Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My friends, they love my intelligence
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
