maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
