Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
