Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
