oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
