I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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