I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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