I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
