i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
