Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
