can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
