Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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