Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
