Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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