as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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