I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
