Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
