he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
