She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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