just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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