i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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