Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
