so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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