Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
