Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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