Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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