There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
