the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
