i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize