i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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