Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
