No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
