Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
