she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
