Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
