Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
