well I can't set my house on fire every night
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
