I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
