i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
