When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Found your dick twin last night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
