Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
