fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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