I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
