He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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