Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
