if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
