dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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