There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
