Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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