She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
