The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
