i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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