Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
