Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
