8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
